Epiphany

It's really quite amazing, the things that find their way into your train of thought when you're up late in the studio. Tonight, I had a sort of epiphany about not only my work, but myself as well. It all goes back to my artist statement issues that I wrote about previously- what is it that I'm trying to say, here?

I know now.

Yes, my work is about absence and presence- it's absolutely about the impermanence of life, and the dichotomy of alienation vs. community. But you know what the root of all of this really is?

Loss.

My inability to cope with loss, and the attempt to work through it in paint. I have to say, now that I really know what I'm getting at here, the statement I've written about my work makes sense- it hits close to home, and it's (finally) deeply personal. During a great conversation with a fellow painter in the studio tonight (who, much like the other painting grads at Edinboro, has quickly become one of my brothers in the last year), I discovered that I've never really understood or accepted the losses that have occurred in my life- that though I've moved past them and grown from their lessons, I've never fully allowed myself to accept them. Call it letting go, even- I'm simply horrible at it, and my work is helping me to finally gain the strength to combat these issues head on.

It's nice, really.

The conversation I was having tonight dealt with losses within our families- I lost my maternal grandfather my senior year of high school, and although I felt for the longest time that I had finally moved on, I hadn't accepted his passing... This made me think quite a bit.

I paint things that we commonly throw away, because I don't want to throw away their memory. I paint these things because I can't throw away my emotions, or my losses- and I shouldn't have to, but it's this inability to accept these losses that drives me to paint teabags, portraits, and really, everything. 

Painting is hard- so is coping with loss, whether it be of a pet, a loved on, a relationship... Hell, even a tube of paint or your keys. Losing things, although it certainly makes us human, it also makes us fucking crazy. Painting these forgotten objects (well, trash really) allows me to let go of and accept other things I've lost, while still maintaining the love and appreciation I had for them when they were a more current fixture in my life.

I think I'll be okay, now. I'm glad I was able to share this with the individuals that read my blog- I got issues and opinions, mang. I got 'em. It's 4:00 in the damn morning, and I should be sleeping, but this epiphany (and a really great feeling about the piece I'm working on, due to said epiphany) has me wired- I won't finish this new piece tonight, but I'll be damned if I leave this studio before it comes to some kind of resolve. 

I'm damn happy that I chose this path in life. I think I'm on the right one. Thanks for reading my word vomit, it was wonderful to get it out of my system.

The Anthropology of (another) Painting, Part II

Tonight I made some more than necessary revisions on a newer piece, and wanted to share the results with you- initially, the space in this painting, titled Hymnal, was very dreamlike and ... Well, fluffy. The painting was too fluffy, especially when you consider the subject matter of the piece (a group of individuals witnessing a hanging, plus the absence of that person... pretty heavy shit).

I solved the fluff problem by simply adding a ground plane (which allows for the viewer to actually see that the individuals below are on the ground), and revamping the tea bags, as well as adding in a nice, flat background. I think the overall composition is far more successful now, and evokes a sense of foreboding and acceptance, which was the goal for this piece. 

Let me know what you think in the comments- OR, tell me what YOU get from the painting. I'm working on my artist statement right now, so I would appreciate what the general public gets from my work, so I can tailor my statement for a better sense of understanding (for someone viewing my work that isn't familiar with it or me).

Thanks for your help! (PS- if you're a friend on Facebook, the color in the green painting is far more accurate- for whatever reason, blogger's interface isn't a fan of grey/green.)

The Anthropology of a Painting

This week, I took some time and documented a painting I was working on throughout the various stages of completion- the results were interesting! Check it out below.

This is one of my favorite parts about my process- looking back at all of the "progress" photos to see how I've grown through the different stages of the painting. VERY exciting! Also, here's the still life I set up for the occasion- obviously this was painted with more natural light.

Website Launch: 10/5/2014

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Check it out! My professional website has launched!